by Dr. Glenn I. Latham
Safe, noncoercive environment in the home.
"I am a happy parent because I have learned to create in my home and environment that brings my family and me more happiness and joy than can be found anywhere else."... We're not just 'making the best' of a 'miserable responsibility' that we can't wait to grow out of.
Diligence. Patience. Long-suffering. Nonreviling. Rich in nurturing. Completely nonreactive. Conscientious. What is our parenting vision? What is our vision for our children?
The commandment to multiply and be responsible parents is, beyond any doubt, the single most important responsibility ever given by God to His children.
Parents must rise above the behavior of the children.
"The Christian home is the Masters workshop or the process of character molding or silently, lovingly, and faithful he carried out."-Milnes
It is better that our house is in order than our business, or profession, our studies, or any of our other areas of responsibility.
Good parents:
1- teach their children to behave as Christ would behave with honesty, decency, kindness, love of God and fellow man, etc.
2- are living examples to their children of the principles and teachings of Christ
3- create within their homes a safe, positive, happy, noncoercive, nonabusive environment or consequences are consistently and lovingly applied; an environment where children behave well in order to enjoy the positive benefits of behaving well, rather than to avoid the negative consequences of behaving badly.
4- allow their children to exercise their moral agency, then calmly and patiently let consequences do the teaching.
5- never give up; they pray for their children continually, with faith in Christ.
6- are continually learning and applying better, more effective parenting skills.
7- rise above the misbehavior of their children and happily and confidently get on with life and continue in the faith together.
8- put parenting above all other earthly endeavors.
We will all fail, regrets and disappointments prize of like ghosts from the past. Move On.
Parents who have tried their best should avoid the temptation of using their children's behavior is the measure of their success as parents. According to this matter, heavenly father would not qualify.
Even with the best of parenting, there is always the risk that some children will stray.
"Let us take pride in what we have done right, cast out those things that are wrong, and look to the Lord for forgiveness, strength, and comfort; and the move onward" -Hunter
Parenting is a refining process and at times the home can become a furnace of affliction.
2) Be of Good Cheer! Let optimism rise above afflictions.
There has been a disturbing shift in parental concerns from values to compliance. i'm dues and downs rather than encouraging honesty, kindness, hard work, being helpful, fair, tolerant, etc.
Moral decencies maximize human happiness and minimize suffering.
Values we want our kids to grow up with:
Kindness, honesty, civility, courage, work, leadership, integrity, gratitude, virtue. Reverence, compassionate, generous.
Give a verbal praise beyond compliance. "Thank you for getting your homework done. Doing something you didn't want to do and completing it to the end took commitment, sacrifice, self-control. Behavior that becomes holy is a significantly beyond compliance.
Point out cheerful giver's and Real heroes.
Second Corinthians 4:8-10,
Suffering with guilt and shame for children's wrongdoings is purposeless and counterproductive. It tells the children that they are beyond hope. Do not confuse disappointment vs guilt.
Wonderful as it is, full participation in church is compliance-based. What we need are kind, honest, hard-working, concern for others, and unselfish and decent human beings. For decency is an important part of "righteousness "
In the process of encouraging and recognizing righteousness, we must not forget decency. Honesty, integrity, and hard work within the walls of God and man and accompanied by a burning desire to be nice.
Today is not forever. Levels of devotion and commitment ebb and flow. We need to love our children the matter how they behave.
3 lessons:
1) More than anything else, always love your children. Keep the focus of the function on them, their choices. They came to us from heaven as gifts from God. Objects of love, not objects of pride or displeasure. No matter age or actions.
2) Maintain a Christlike countenance. The skill parents must learn is to smile; two think love for the child, to avoid needless worry, to direct attention away from the negative and toward the positive. A few seconds of sheer can have a stunning affect on the momentum of a behavior.
3) Avoid agonizing over "what did I do wrong?" 'Solution talk' encourages positive thoughts and the focus is on the future not the past.
Solution thinking and 'Covert Conditioning'
"Christianity wants nothing so much in the world as sunny people" -Drummond
If you can lead with love and compassion rather than retaliate with anger and revenge, I am sure you will win the great victories in life.
"don't I destroy my enemies when I make friends of them?" -Lincoln
Covert conditioning: Act the way you want to be and soon you'll be the way you act. Target behavior plus happy and pleasant thoughts about ourselves.
Problem thinking (focusing on weakness) vs solution thinking (change to a healthy incompatible thought).
Focus on solutions not problems.
Think of the healthy thought longer and it wins
Safety in our presence. Religiously guard FHE nights (from 5pm on)-- large chunks of time dedicated to learning, sharing, laughing, and playing. Make it pleasant but make it happen. "Family nights make friends of family members!"
Behavior is largely a product of the immediate environment.
Dependable, predictable, and safe. Parents need to be safe. Safe from criticism, sarcasm, preaching, screaming, hitting, abuse, pleadings, and other "traps" parents get themselves into.
What would you see if you watch us together as a family today? Lots and lots of laughter and happy times. Hugging and kissing, talking and listening. Sharing tender moment and shutting tears of joy and compassion.
Revile not.
